dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
