hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
