I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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