It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You're like the curious george of whores
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
