I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
