i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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