My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
