Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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