It's Friday. Sex?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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