dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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