She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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