Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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