my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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