Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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