someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
