I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i've created a new STD.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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