morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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