I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
