I'm going to jail i love you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
