Swine flu. Run for my life!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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