Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
