i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
