Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
