Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
