I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
