I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
