you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
