Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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