I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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