I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
