my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
