I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
