OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
