Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
