He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
