you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
