You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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