I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
