I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
