"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
