I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
