He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
