I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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