she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
