dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
