Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
