I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
