Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
