the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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