Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I could fuck to npr.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
