I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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