I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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