What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
