My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
